One of These Things Doesn’t Belong…

For anyone who has been to France between the months of November and April, you know very well that the typical attire of a French person consists of dark jeans and some shade of black or gray sweater/jacket/shirt. I’ve noticed this as the winter weather continues to roll on, but didn’t realize how true it was until I had a fire drill during class two days ago.

Of course this fire drill (which the administration neglected to inform me of) happened during a rainy day, so I stopped in the teacher’s lounge before exiting the school grounds to grab my rain coat. As I filed out the front gates with the students and other teachers, I suddenly realized that I could quite easily be picked out of the crowd as the English Assistant from the States. Stuck in the middle of a group of black and gray, there I was with my bright blue running jacket, complete with areas of reflective silver. This jacket made it easy for all of my students to find me while we waited so I was soon surrounded by a circle of high schoolers all giggling and saying, “Hello! ‘Ow are you?”

Side note: I’m not really sure how fire drills in France work, but comme d’habitude (per usual) the efficiency was questionable. At schools in the States, administrators receive word from teachers that their class has exited the building, and once all personnel and students have evacuated, they see how long the entire process took. During said fire drill, students wandered outside in a leisurely and unorganized mob, lingered for a few minutes just outside the gates (with some still relaxing at the benches in the courtyard), and bit by bit began filing back inside at an unannounced moment. I saw one member of the administration during all of this, and he was talking with a group of students the entire time. I pray there is never a real fire at school.

A Day in the Merde

Even in France, or maybe I should say especially in France, you come across one of those days from time to time where you wonder why you even got out of bed. Productivity is nearly impossible and you cannot help by avoid a series of bizarre encounters. My Monday was definitely one of those days. It went a little something like this:

-Go to bed at 5am after watching the Super Bowl, wake up at 7 to catch my train and arrive at school for my 9 o’clock class to find out that the teacher is absent and neglected to tell me.

-While using a public service announcement about guns to practice conversation with a student, she proceeds to tell me how there are five major gypsy tribes that roam France and are the major gun owners, how some of her friends have guns, and how the police are usually too afraid of them to try and take their guns.

-Upon my return to Montpellier at the end of the day, I arrive at the train station to find out that there are delays of up to 3 hours for a nondescript “problem” with the trains, or the train tracks, or the French train system. One of those things (probably). Since my 4:54 train was cancelled, I hopped on a high-speed train that was supposed to leave at 2:20 but was still stuck in the station, praying that they didn’t check tickets before I had to get off.

-After getting off in Montpellier without any problems, I was greeted by a nice rain for my walk home.

Happy Monday. Or rather, Happy Merde-day.

America, On the Rest of the World

Continuing my love for Stephen Clarke’s Merde series that gave its name to this blog, I started reading Merde Happens, another of Englishman Paul West’s adventures. In this installment, he travels across America with his French girlfriend in a Mini emblazoned with a Union Jack. In one part Paul talks about the way Europeans think Americans view them, thanks to movie and TV depictions. In a strictly stereotypical sense (because no American would ever be this ignorant….), the following descriptions are right on and are worth a shout out.

“The way the Brits think the Americans view them:

-Stonehenge-1776: A time of castles, kings ‘n’ shit.

-1776-1945: Crushed by the loss of its American colonies, Britain gradually shrivels up until it is so powerless that it almost loses a war to a vegetarian with a silly mustache.

-1945-present: Saved from destruction by the USA, Britain becomes a trusted ally, as vital to the balance of world power as, say, Bermuda.”

“The way the French think Americans view them:

-Jurassic Period-1940: An area of the planet devoted solely to the production of wine, cheese, prostitutes, and body odor.

-1940-present: Supposedly a friend, but in truth as reliable as the wedding guest who sleeps with the bride.”

Mass media: doing wonders for the world’s perception of Americans. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to grab my gun and my cowboy hat, hop in my Hummer, and go to McDonald’s…

Marvejols: A Land Lost in Time

A few weekends ago, 4 friends and I visited a fellow English assistant who had the great fortune of being placed in Marvejols, France. Marvejols, for those who aren’t familiar with it (and I don’t know why you would be) is located in the department of La Lozère. This area has the distinction of being the least populous in France. Accordingly, some French people have nicknamed it “le trou du cul du monde,” something that roughly translates to the “Boondocks,” or something like that…

The Marvejols Crew: Lisa, Susanna, Darcy, Me, and Alissa (the local). Thanks to Tom (our 6th) for the photography skills.

Despite this grim description, Marvejols has all the charm of a quaint town of 5,000 in the French countryside: medieval-looking houses, mountains surrounding it on all sides, and a calm feeling you can’t find in the larger cities. Not paying for lodging for the weekend was a big plus, made possible because Alissa lives in the boarding section of the middle school where she teaches. A few sleeping bags, blankets, and pillows later and the recreation room had become our very own dormitory. We hiked up the “mountain” that looks down on the town and ventured around the plateau on top for a while.

Once we felt like we had seen the town, we hopped in the car and drove 20 minutes to a lake nearby, stopping by a castle we found signs for on the way back. Yes, castles are found in the wild of La Lozère. The area is also known for its wolf population back in the day, but unfortunately the Wolf Park (a kind of zoo dedicated only to wolves) was closed in January.

On our way to Marvejols, we also stopped by the town of Roquefort, birthplace of the smelly cheese. Being off-season (if a cheese town in France ever has an off-season) and a Saturday, we saw maybe 6 people during our 4 hours there, 2 of which gave us a tour and tasting of the cheese caves. I’ve got to say that I agree with the old say: the smellier the cheese, the better.

Getting away for the weekend was great and the French countryside is beautiful no matter where you stop. Marvejols- definitely one of my favorite towns with a population under 5,000. Check it out if you’re ever in the neighborhood.